I can remember sitting in Mrs. Allen’s eighth grade class discussing the merits of Prince’s latest hit, 1999. My classmates (accurately) predicted that in 1999, this song would be played at New Year’s party across the land. I vividly recall, saying in earnest, “Oh no.... on New Year’s Eve 1999 I will be thirty!!!! I will be too old to even go out for New Year’s Eve!!!”
Well, 1999 was thirteen years ago – needless to say that not only did I turn thirty, but forty has also come and gone. My fourteen year old self would be very proud of the fact that I go out every year for New Year's Eve. I think she would also be proud to know that I still spend a big part of my life discussing music.
However, she would be utterly disgusted at the fact that I am starting to take an interest in (and actually buy) what I like to call, Old Lady Stuff.
Here is my top five list:
3. Bunion Orthotic – Unfortunately, if I do not invest in one of these within the next year, I can kiss my days of wearing high-heels good -bye forever. The irony is not lost on me that the reason I need one of these bad boys in the first place is from wearing towering high-heels for the past two decades. I would only have to wear it at night – but this doesn’t help me get my head around it. Let’s face it, even if you’ve got your ladies hoisted up in a Victoria’s Secret Angel Bra and you are wearing your sexiest undies, your partner’s eye will immediately be drawn to the bunion orthotic.
4. Gin – If it was good enough for the Queen Mum it is good enough for me. Gin seems to be the de rigueur Spiritz for the elderly lady. Of course I will mix it with tonic water – and modernize it with a few cucumber slices (try it – it’s a nice twist). I will walk around with the classic, stylish old lady scent of Chanel No. 5 and juniper berries.
5. Botox – When the time is right I am seriously considering it. I don’t want to look ridiculous like an episode of Ex-Wives of Rock, but maybe just a little preventative maintenance. I figure that on the day that I am cremated, I will be so full of Botox & Gin that my funeral pyre will burn for three weeks ...minimum.