Poutine-Off

Back in December my work mates and I went to Smoke's Poutinerie for lunch (http://thefreespiritz.blogspot.ca/2012/12/end-of-world-poutine.html).  During this outing, Peter started talking smack about how he could be a champion poutine eater.  Sarah and Audrey rose to the challenge and a date was set for February 15^th for what would be forever know as the Poutine-Off. 

There was daily trash talk from this initial lunch date through to the actual date of the Poutine-Off about who would reign supreme as the ultimate poutine eating title-holder.  The challenge was taken very seriously by my work mates.  Rules were drafted – the full portion must be consumed in the least amount of time, no performance enhancing drugs (i.e. laxatives), etc.   The winner would receive a Poutine-Off trophy and the glory of being undefeated – the loser would have to buy a round of coffee for the contestants and the judges.

I offered to participate as a judge – partly because I was curious as to how the challenge would go done and partly because I knew this blog would just write itself.    I also volunteered to make the trophy for the victor. 

The trophy - Monsieur Poutine tête...

...with his cheese curd afro

The big day arrived.   The excitement in the office was palpable.  Choruses of ‘ “Fry” of the Tiger’ could be heard being sung throughout the cubicles.  There was also arguments as to who as “going down” in this battle of gastronomic proportions.

At 11:30 a.m. sharp, we gathered at Smoke’s Poutinerie on Adelaide (www.smokespoutinerie.com).  The orders were placed and all bets were off. 

The champion was Carlos, who took the contest by eating the chicken fajita poutine in six minutes and sixteen seconds.   Fast on his tail was Sarah, with the pulled pork and bacon poutine, in just less than seven minutes.  Carlos, a gracious winner, said that was sharing the trophy with Sarah who he considered to be a worthy competitor.  It is now shared between both their desks.

And Peter the wise guy who started it all with his smack talk?  It was pretty much a tie between him and Audrey for third place.  To add to his crushing defeat was the fact that his subway ride did not bode well after the Poutine-Off.  I am not sure if his wooziness was caused by so much food in such a short span, or if was the chants about how he was beaten by a girl.

In last place was (Won’t be done until) May, who was disqualified for not finishing all of her portion.   She is treating us to coffee tomorrow.



End of the World Poutine

I received an interesting invitation to lunch from my work mate Sarah.  The subject title on the e-mail read "End of the World Poutine".  Sarah's philosophy was that if in fact December 21, 2012 really is the end of the world, then why not go out with a bang.  And by bang, she meant having your heart explode from eating high-fat, high-calorie, sodium-packed, artery-clogging, better bring your own defibrillator poutine.  So I accepted and off we went to Smoke’s Poutinerie (www.smokespoutinerie.com) on Adelaide Street. 

The 2,300 year old Maya Long Count Calendar supposedly ends on December 21, 2012.  Doomsday prophets interpret this as the end of civilization.  There are several different scenarios on how this will all go down – chaos in the earth’s magnetic field, giant supernova (ooh, a champagne one??), alien invasion and zombie apocalypse (good thing I am an avid fan of The Walking Dead in case that I need to channel my inner Michonne). 

One of the most infamous doomsday charlatans was Marshall Applewhite.  Applewhite was the leader of the Heaven’s Gate cult who predicted that the world would end on March 26, 1997.  He brainwashed his followers into participating in a mass suicide so that they could board a spacecraft trailing the Comet Hale-Bopp-- which was allegedly being flown by his deceased wife.  This information was obtained by aliens who spoke to him...through episodes of Star Trek.  Applewhite had also programmed  his followers to assimilate; they dressed the same, they all had the same hair cut and they all ate the same food.  When he and his 38 followers were found dead, they were all wearing the same Nikes and black uniforms.  He had also talked his male  followers into voluntary castration.    

After eating the poutine, end of the world paranoia started to get to me.   I began noting similarities between Applewhite and Sarah.  She watches Star Trek... and for a young urban professional she seems to know a lot about spaceships...and zombie apocalypses.  Last night she e-mailed us and said to wear stretchy pants today (hello, classic wardrobe brainwashing here!!).  And, her choice of restaurant resulted in us all eating the same food...food that will most certainly bring us to heaven's gate.  Will the day end with me wearing a shapeless black outfit, bad footwear and sporting a bowl cut?  And the castration?  Well, that's Peter's worry - let him sort that out...

Brainwashed!!!

Thankfully my rational side kicked in.  An excess of sodium in your system creates a fluid imbalance that can cause mental confusion (true fact --look it up!).  Alas the paranoia is due to the sodium overload in my body.  I fully expect to wake up Friday morning - with lingering indigestion and weighing a bit more than I did when I went to sleep - sans Nikes.

Veggie Nacho Poutine

Triple Pork Poutine with Sausage, Pulled Pork & Bacon (aka The John Candy)

Bacon Poutine & Shepard's Pie Poutine