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Wednesday, 19 December 2012

End of the World Poutine

I received an interesting invitation to lunch from my work mate Sarah.  The subject title on the e-mail read "End of the World Poutine".  Sarah's philosophy was that if in fact December 21, 2012 really is the end of the world, then why not go out with a bang.  And by bang, she meant having your heart explode from eating high-fat, high-calorie, sodium-packed, artery-clogging, better bring your own defibrillator poutine.  So I accepted and off we went to Smoke’s Poutinerie ( on Adelaide Street. 

The 2,300 year old Maya Long Count Calendar supposedly ends on December 21, 2012.  Doomsday prophets interpret this as the end of civilization.  There are several different scenarios on how this will all go down – chaos in the earth’s magnetic field, giant supernova (ooh, a champagne one??), alien invasion and zombie apocalypse (good thing I am an avid fan of The Walking Dead in case that I need to channel my inner Michonne). 

One of the most infamous doomsday charlatans was Marshall Applewhite.  Applewhite was the leader of the Heaven’s Gate cult who predicted that the world would end on March 26, 1997.  He brainwashed his followers into participating in a mass suicide so that they could board a spacecraft trailing the Comet Hale-Bopp-- which was allegedly being flown by his deceased wife.  This information was obtained by aliens who spoke to him...through episodes of Star Trek.  Applewhite had also programmed  his followers to assimilate; they dressed the same, they all had the same hair cut and they all ate the same food.  When he and his 38 followers were found dead, they were all wearing the same Nikes and black uniforms.  He had also talked his male  followers into voluntary castration.    

After eating the poutine, end of the world paranoia started to get to me.   I began noting similarities between Applewhite and Sarah.  She watches Star Trek... and for a young urban professional she seems to know a lot about spaceships...and zombie apocalypses.  Last night she e-mailed us and said to wear stretchy pants today (hello, classic wardrobe brainwashing here!!).  And, her choice of restaurant resulted in us all eating the same that will most certainly bring us to heaven's gate.  Will the day end with me wearing a shapeless black outfit, bad footwear and sporting a bowl cut?  And the castration?  Well, that's Peter's worry - let him sort that out...


Thankfully my rational side kicked in.  An excess of sodium in your system creates a fluid imbalance that can cause mental confusion (true fact --look it up!).  Alas the paranoia is due to the sodium overload in my body.  I fully expect to wake up Friday morning - with lingering indigestion and weighing a bit more than I did when I went to sleep - sans Nikes.

Veggie Nacho Poutine

Triple Pork Poutine with Sausage, Pulled Pork & Bacon (aka The John Candy)

Bacon Poutine & Shepard's Pie Poutine

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